hatred
Thursday, February 21, 2008 @ 11:31:00 PM
i say first... if anybody who read this blog... pls DO NOT ask or discuss this in front of me...even if u think u are close to me... i dun like to recall unpleasant memories... and i really need to forget a part of this incident so that i can forgive someone... so... read and forget..
today argue with a total bastard... and he is really a bastard... anyway.... i dun think.... or should say confirm.... will not forgive him... and thats it man... all these years ties... haha... it doesnt matter to me la... cos i dun need him in my life anyway... kind of a redundant person... just someone else living unknowingly in this earth... btw.. that includes his entire family...
i have decided to draw myself away from all my cousins.. i mean.. no point sticking together... becos... who knows... there may be another backstabber just like him... perhaps i should escape before i come to realise that all these people hated me so much while i am giving them love... i mean... whats the point...
now then i know some people hate me so much... maybe a little too heavy... dislike... or izit just unhappiness.. or izit dissatisfaction... haha.. dunno... juz wanna tell people around me something... i mean those who bothers to read my blog... means ppl closer to me la... haha... if u have unhappiness with me... say it... dun backstab... perhaps we are just not destine to be friends... and no point always facing someone u dun like right... make urself pissed so many times... like for wat?...
talking bout the person i love most... other than myself.. i am utterly dissapointed with her... she kind of sided him during our arguement... ya... maybe she love him alot.. or maybe becos she thinks she should be fair... but she is NOT!... or maybe she thinks she is closer to me... so she shouldnt side me and i am suppose to be kind enough to understand... but... i'm sorry... thats not me... the problem here is... why should i care for someone who i dunno whether she care bout me first anot... right?... ya... i know i should forgive her... cos i am really in debt of her... but... i am completely, utterly, truly, to the deepest disappointed... i dunno when can i forgive her... but... look... wound honestly needs time to heal... and becos i am not someone who can accept these kind of hurt easily... i might take tens of years for all u know... and now... i find myself dumb to love her....
i should say i am completely not close to my relatives... and the most important thing now is... i dun wanna be... thus , i will not be... foreva... besides... i am not close to them in the first place... i should say... few... or almost none of the ppl i know knows me that well... to be honest... i have never open up my heart to anyone... closest ppl to me only touches to surface of my heart... they will never be able to touch anyway further down... simply becos i learn something really impt for my entire lifetime... nobody in this world is worth my absolute trust... nobody in this world is worth my deepest love... the unintentional love that does not ask for anything in return... i tried.... and now i got hurt... thats it... one try and one hurt is more than enough... i learn my lesson...
i have learn another thing today... i must learn to be much more independent... and more knowledgeable.. no matter wat... this is becos of this simple question... who can u depend on when nobody can be trusted...
honestly.... now that i got hurt... and from wat i see today... i only see one thing... money matters most... no relationships is of any importance compare to money... money can buy relationship... but without money and ample relationship... these ppl can only say something... "lets hug together and die together!" simply becos... i originally most loved follow him.. cos his parent got lorry... and wat i have... stupid unreliable, expensive, dirty, slow, uncomfortable, lousy public transport....
i will drift myself away from my relatives... anyway i usually cant really mix with them... haha...
Guess wat... my somebody who is suppose to protect me from all these... did nothing... actually... i knew in times of trouble and difficulties... i will have to stand by myself and face them alone... honestly... i knew that long ago... but i've tried to be optimistic... i tried to tell her to support me... but... i didnt work... from my point of view... ppl share joy but never bitterness...
i am especially pissed becos i really did treat him as someone for me to look up to.... but now... i feel betrayed... what i sense from what he says... i feel i am despised and is humiliated... and i saw the real him... he is selfish... i mean everybody is selfish to a certain extend... but this is way too far... therefore... from that very moment onwards.... we will NEVER patch up... he shall and will be a stranger... oh... and his entire family too....
one more person... he is rather innocent.. but look... he obviously love him more... so.. i shall let him have him... i doesnt matter to me... although many ppl around me say he love me alot... but only i really know y he seem to love me... but this is my deepest secret... which is definitely going to accompany me alone into my coffin... haha...
okie... basically... this whole blog is just to vent my anger, displease and disappointment... and also some perspective of life...
very long entry...
bye bye
Labels: Me Myself and I (My Life)
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